var messages = { "Null":["Me: "], "KitchenInitial" : ["Me: I need to buy a turkey..."], "CannotBuyTurkey" : ["Me: I've barely have time for ONE turkey, let alone TWO!"], "NoMoney" : ["Me: I can't afford this!"], "BuyTurkeyFirst" : ["Me: I should buy a turkey first!"], "EmptyOven" : ["Me: Ah, the oven is already preheated..."], "OpenDoor" :["Me: I should probably try opening the oven door to measure the turkey's temperature"] } var story = { "Duck Story": ["Dad: So I was in the office last week, typing up the TPS reports that need to be turned in every Friday, when I heard a quacking sound.", "Dad: I thought it was Larry again. He has one of those old Blackintosh computers at his desk, you know, the ones with the smiley winking face.", "Brother: Dad, that's such old technology. When is your company going to upgrade to SuckBox 87?", "Dad: I know, but let me finish my story. Well, you know how when you click or an alert box comes up the computer can be set to a quacking sound?", "Dad: So I tell Larry, what's up with all his alert boxes.", "Mom: Who's Larry again hun?", "Dad: He's my stall partner. We share he cubicle remember? So he turns around in his office chair, and asks 'what?'", "Dad: 'The quacking, what's with all the quacking?'", "Dad: 'I'm not doing it', he tells me.", "Dad: 'Well, It isn't me.'", "Dad: Just then the quacking noise happened again.", "Dad: 'Did you hear that Larry?'", "Dad: 'Yeah.'", "Dad: We poked our head above the cubicle to look out and didn't see anybody else in the room. Yet the quacking came again.", "Dad: Besides the quacking, the room had fallen very silent.", "Mom: So, what did ya do?", "Dad: I droop down on my hands and knees, and that's when it got me.", "Mom: Mercy!", "Brother: You got attacked by a duck?", "Dad: That duck ran into me, face first. In its flight to escape, it pooped on my hands. Lucky me.", "Dad: Larry and I grabbed a few guys on break and we corralled the duck out of the office.", "Dad: Some of the guys wanted to keep it as a pet, but these are the same guys who don't get much done anyways. No help to office productivity.", "Grandma: Son, You let a good meal go to waste.", "Dad: Mom, we don't eat ducks we find on the street. That's just cruel.", "Grandma: That doesn't stop those Chinese from eating street cats and dogs. Why do you think there are all those missing pet posters in the neighborhood?", "Mom: Oh good lord!", "Dad: Mom, you should stop spreading those rumors. It is cars and wild animals.", "Grandma: Oh I'm sure those are SOME of the reasons. But lying to yourself isn't good honey.", "Cat: Meow.", "Dad: Oh hey Kasey. You like being an indoor cat don't you? Don't have to worry about all those cars and wild animals. Don't you little girl?", "Grandma: And Chinese.", "Dad: Mooom!"], "Creeper Worker": ["Brother: ...and so this guy kept trying to see what I wrote down on my notepad, and I keep trying to hide it from his prying eyes. Anyways...", "Dad: Hey that reminds me of this guy at work.", "Brother: I'm trying to tell a story here Dad.", "Mom: Let Greg finish.", "Dad: Ok, finish your story.", "Brother: Well... I forgot where I was going with it. Err, the guy was trying to view my notepad...and well, that's about it. Look what you did Dad.", "Dad: Sorry. But hey! Now you can hear my story.", "Dad: Just like you, we had a nosey co-worker. This co-worker was showing around a new customer to our branch when a screensaver caught his in a nearby room.", "Grandma: What is a screensaver?", "Dad: You know on a computer when you don't use it and the screen goes black? It is like that, except this computer has an animated display like a slide show.", "Grandma: Ok, a slide show on the computer.", "Dad: Yes, sort of like that.", "Dad: Well, the co-worker enters the room, with the new customer, to check out the screen saver. Now this room belongs to Julia, our PR rep.", "Dad: I'm not sure why he entered the room. He could have just viewed the screen saver through the office window.", "Dad: Julia wasn't there at the time, but word gets around quickly in the office.", "Dad: She found out that Rob, that's the co-worker, entered the room, and filed a complaint with Internal Relations.", "Dad: Then Internal relations sends a message to Rob, asking if he did enter the room.", "Dad: And then Rob sends a long email response back, all the while with our customer in tow, even asking the customer advice about what to include in the E-mail.", "Brother: Wow, so did you lose the customer?", "Dad: We don't know yet, but management did send an internal memo around re-affirming the boundaries of privacy.", "Dad: This whole thing was completely overblown though. Rob was just looking at a screensaver. He didn't even try and hide it either.", "Dad: But that's life. People who get excited over nothing.", "Wife: Well, he did seem kind of creepy asking for the customer's advice on the E-mail.", "Brother: And what about Julia? She seemed to know a littttle bit too much about the goings on in her office cubicle.", "Dad: Maybe she has an office camera or something. I'm not sure.", "Brother: Do you have one?", "Dad: No, but then again I'm not in PR. Sometimes workers try and find out what the dirt is on them, or try and change their records on the computer.", "Brother: Sorry to say, it honestly sounds like a terrible place to work.", "Dad: It isn't as bad as it seems. Every now and then sometime like this happens and it becomes the talk of the town.", "Brother: Maybe just a boring place."], "Paint Bucket Sucks": ["Brother: Hey Grandpa, I've got a funny story about that primer you gave me.", "Grandpa: You'll have to remind me again, my memory isn't too good in my old age.", "Brother: Well, you gave me some primer to redo my room.", "Mom: How is the painting going? Last I heard you had the priming done.", "Brother: Yup. Well, almost. I still have a mess to clean up.", "Mom: What happened?", "Brother: Yeaahh well, grandpa's can of primer was pretty old. And it rusted on the bottom and developed small holes.", "Brother: So, there I was prepping everything, ready to go to town on the walls, when I start feeling some wetness on my pants.", "Brother: I look down and there are primer drops all over my pants.", "Dad: Why were you holding the paint bucket though? Don't you just pour it in a roller pan and do it that way like I taught you?", "Brother: Well yes, but I was also cutting the edges of the room before hand, like you taught me. And that was easier with the paint bucket in my hand.", "Brother: Or so I thought...", "Mom: What happened next Greggy?", "Brother: Mom, don't call me 'Greggy'.", "Brother: Anywaaays, I quickly put the can down in the roller pan I had nearby. I turned around to find some paper towels to clean myself off with.", "Brother: That's when I noticed a drip line all the way from the garage. That's not good.", "Brother: I dashed for the towels and once I reached them, I tried to soak up as much as possible. And well... not good.", "Brother: In the future, I probably won't go for your primer Grandpa.", "Grandpa: You know what'll get that paint out? Some turpentine. If you don't have some of that handy you should try out some kerosene.", "Brother: I tried some paint remover already, but it also took out the color in my pants. Luckily, I wasn't wearing my best pants.", "Brother: I did have to go for a heavy duty carpet cleaning service. My wife wasn't too happy about that", "Grandpa: You should have asked me for help. I would have shown you how to do it, and I would have done it for free too.", "Brother: Thanks Grandpa, I'll definitely keep that in mind."], "Hanging Doorway Ornaments":[ "Grandma: A real bother these days are the people that decorations in their doorways. They get in your face as you try to walk through.", "Grandma: And what if there is an Earthquake!", "Grandpa: It isn't like we live on a fault line.", "Grandma: Just stop hanging your bears in the doorway.", "Grandpa: I have the kitchen and you have the garage, that was the deal.", "Grandma: Maybe I'll just take both the garage and the kitchen and then put you out on the street with your keychain bears.", "Grandpa: I'd like to see you try.", "Grandma: Oohh don't make me get my shotgun.", "Grandpa: Err, speaking of kitchens. HOW IS THAT TURKEY COMING ALONG IN THERE. YOU NEED A HAND?"], "Spouse gets surprise movie tickets": ["Mom: Hey, seen any interesting movies y'all?", "Spouse: I have. Recently I was...", "Grandpa: Back in my day, we burned rats for fun.", "Spouse: errr.. Grandpa?", "Grandma: Don't mind him. He's losing his mind.", "Grandpa: I keep it right here. *Taps head* But where did you put the lock on that mouse of yours?", "Dad: Dad, Mom, don't keep interrupting the story.", "Grandpa: Well, she started it.", "Grandma: Ahh, you old coot.", "Mom: Please continue.", "Spouse: ummmmm", "Spouse: Ah, now I remember. [Player] and I were at the mall when a woman came up to us.", "Spouse: 'Hey guys, sorry to bother you. I'm the host of a free movie screening preview, and we are trying to fill as many seats as possible.'", "Spouse: 'We severely underestimated the number of people who were going to show up. If you have time, it would really help me out if you two would attend.'", "Spouse: [Player] thought going to see the free movie was a no brainer, but I knew that we had somewhere to be in less than two hours.", "Spouse: 'How long is the movie', I asked. She replied, 'About an hour and a half'. Which is about standard.", "Grandpa: Back in my day...", "Spouse: 'WE CAN ALWAYS leave early', [Player] whispered to me.", "Dad: Did you end up seeing it?", "Spouse: Actually, yes.", "Spouse: We lined up at the theater, and noticed that all the others in line had a pamphlet ticket. We might be in the wrong line!", "Spouse: The women told us to mention her name 'Stephanine' at the door to get in, but what if we go up to the doorman, mention 'Stephanine', and they respond ' Stephanine, who is Stephaine?' ", "Spouse: The line begins to move, and we approach to the ticket-taker.", "Spouse: 'Stephanie told us to come'. After a heart wrenching pause, the doorman nodded, and we were allowed in.", "Dad: What movie was it?", "Spouse: Stephanie mentioned it was going to be an action documentary about Poland but when we got our seats, the pre-ads were all childish.", "Spouse: Legos, Toys, cartoons, etc. [Player] and I wondered if the movie we were about to see wasn't even what they told us.", "Brother: Legos aren't just for kids.", "Spouse: Maybe not, but the marketing is primarily kid focused. Anyhow, the movie turned out to be the Poland one.", "Spouse: However, the movie was two hours rather than the expected one hour thirty.", "Mom: Did you stay the whole time? I could not see myself walking out. I would feel too embarrassed about the whole audience staring at me.", "Spouse: It isn't that hard, you just treat it like you are headed to the bathroom. Except you never come back.", "Spouse: But yes, we did leave early, so we'll have to check the rest of the movie on DVD, or see it in theatres when it officially releases.", "Mom: Good thing the staff didn't send a search party for you. Maybe you fell into the toilet", "Spouse: Haha", "Dad: Say, what was the title of the movie?", "Spouse: 'Randy Staples Shares the Pain.' We saw all the build up, but missed the payoff.", "Grandpa: Back in my day, we used to watch movies for a nickel.", "Mom: I remember when gas used to be twenty cents a gallon.", "Brother: And I remember when the PS3 cost $599 US dollars.", "Cat: Meow, meow meow"], "Youtube Sensation": ["Grandpa: Back in my day, we burned rats for fun.", "Brother: Ok Grandpa. Anyways, I was at Frankfort mall the other day.", "Brother: Just walking around, not really focused on any particular purchase when I noticed a long line. Naturally, you see the line, and wonder what's for.", "Brother: So, my buddies and I walked up the line to find out the sitch.", "Mom: What's a 'sitch'.", "Brother: It means situation.", "Mom: I see. How long was the line?", "Brother: Oh, it stretched, maybe, half the mall. There were security guards out, to make sure that traffic could get through gaps in the line.", "Brother: As we neared the front, we saw that the line moved into some kind of makeup store.", "Brother: The flier outside said they had one of those video sensations, you know the one who does the makeup? I can't remember her name.", "Mom: So did you go in?", "Brother: And wait in that long line? I don't even wear makeup!", "Mom: Yeah, but what about your fiancee'? Why not get her something nice?", "Brother: I'm sure she would love some makeup, but I can buy that stuff on any day.", "Brother: One kind of interesting, but obvious, thing about the line composition was that it was majorly women. There was a handful of guys, but I'd assume they were boyfriends.", "Grandpa: Back in my day, I would have gotten in that line and wooed all the women.", "Grandma: You can't even grab the attention of a taxi.", "Grandpa: You're not making sense. Why would I want to take a taxi out to dinner?", "Grandma: No, not taking a taxi out to dinner. Forget it. Just forget it."], "Girlfriend's Boba Keeps on a-flowing": ["Girlfriend: You know what boba is right Mom?", "Mom: What's Boba?", "Girlfriend: Ok, I guess not.", "Grandma: What's booba?", "Girlfriend: I take it you mean boba?", "Grandma: Yes, that thing.", "Girlfriend: What most people talk about when they mean 'boba' are tea drinks with milk in them.", "Girlfriend: The boba tea drinks are not hard to make, just make black tea, and then add any kind of milk you have, some sweetener, then chill with ice.", "Girlfriend: [Player] and I made it at home one time, but that's another story. Anyways, the 'boba' itself are these little black balls that are made out of sweet potato.", "Dad: Sweet Potatoes, like a yam?", "Brother: Dad, you know that sweet potatoes and yams are not the same right?", "Dad: What? They aren't?", "Brother: No", "Dad: Well, what's the difference?", "Brother: I don't know, but the point is they are different.", "Girlfriend: Boba is usually made from sweet potatoes, but it can also be made from other starchy materials, I suppose.", "Dad: What's it taste like? Kind of...potatoey?", "Girlfriend: Not really, it is chewy, a bit like... when you take the first bite into some gum. Right before it gets soft.", "Girlfriend: Though when places heat it up, it is really soft and moldable.", "Grandma: Hmm. I wouldn't mind trying this boba sometime.", "Girlfriend: You definitely should since I know you like your morning tea.", "Girlfriend: Now that you all know what boba is, I can tell you about this cool, and somewhat awkward event that happened.", "Girlfriend: [Player] and I were driving down the freeway when we remembered that a new boba place was opening up on Teller St.", "Girlfriend: As part of their opening promotion, they were offering one free boba drink per customer.", "Girlfriend: Since I was thirsty, I suggested we drop by and see what's up.", "Girlfriend: We parked and walk up to the building. There weren't too many people about, and a sign revealed why.", "Girlfriend: The free boba promotion ended at 8PM, and it was already 10!", "Mom: Aww, that's too bad", "Girlfriend: I decided to get a drink anyways.", "Girlfriend: But when I ordered, the worker said 'Would you like to try one of our free drinks?', and motioned towards the sign", "Girlfriend: 'Sure!', Then he asked [Player] what [GenderPronoun] wanted.", "Girlfriend: So we both got a full-sized free drink!", "Mom: What flavor did you get? I assume there are flavors of boba?", "Girlfriend: Yes, there are. I ordered Strawberry. It tasted ok, but was really missing that strawberry flavor.", "Girlfriend: The worker asked how they were, and well Mom, you raised me to be an honest individual, so it was lacking in flavor.", "Girlfriend: So the worker says, 'Alright, let me make you another one'", "Girlfriend: He makes me a completely new boba drink, while letting me keep the old one to drink. At this point I haven't even paid for anything yet", "Dad: That's just good customer service. Since this place is new, he is trying to build up customer relations.", "Girlfriend: True, but I feel like it got a little out of hand. The next drink also lacked the strawberry flavor. The worker said it is probably because of the syrup.", "Girlfriend: He then proceeded to make another drink, still free, using fresh strawberries in lieu of the syrup flavoring.", "Girlfriend: Now the syrup drinks were probably really cheap to make, but making drinks with real fruit costs considerably more.", "Girlfriend: By the end of our time at the place, the two of us had six drinks in hand without a cent spent.", "Girlfriend: The worker just kept offering us samples and I felt really guilty about being so honest.", "Girlfriend: I decided to order the drink I was originally going to get, even though I had consumed 2 whole boba drinks already. Sugar overload!", "Brother: I hope you left him a fat tip for his troubles.", "Girlfriend: Yes, I tipped, [Player] made sure of that.", "Girlfriend: With all the caffeine and sugar, I couldn't sleep all night. My heart was in trepidation even through the next morning.", "Girlfriend: I probably wouldn't do that again.", "Grandma: This sounds like the place I should try my first boba.", "Girlfriend: I don't think I could boba for at least a month I'm so burnt out.", "Brother: It is settled, right after this meal we're all going out for boba.", "Girlfriend: Hah, no.", "Brother: No, seriously.", "Girlfriend: And seriously. No"], "Grandmother reveals the virtues of the bread line": ["Brother: The Turkey is taking a while to cook. [Player] isn't too good at cooking is [GenderPronoun]?", "Girlfriend: How dare you talk about [Player] he is a great cook. Sometimes. Well, you'll see!", "Grandma: You guys have it lucky. Where I grew up we had bread lines.", "Grandma: My family would stand in a bread line for over six hours with the POSSIBILITY of receiving a loaf of bread.", "Grandma: I remember one particular occasion where my mom told me to take my baby sister with me and go stand in the bread line.", "Grandma: I was only 8 years old, and my baby sister was less than a year.", "Grandma: Standing is a whole day affair. Some people brought laundry. Others did their crafts in line.", "Grandma: My sister and I stood in that line together for over eight hours until we finally reached the front.", "Grandma: When we got there. The man with the bread said, 'One loaf of Bread.'", "Grandma: I held my baby sister outstretched and said 'Two.'", "Grandma: The bread man responded. 'Baby doesn't count. One loaf of bread.' We were then pushed out of line with our one loaf.", "Mom: Jesus, that sounds horrible.", "Grandma: It was, but it was also necessary. Though when I hear people complaining how they are tired of waiting, I like to retell that story.", "Brother: Alright, I suppose it could be worse, but let's hope that [Player] can do better than that."], "Father talks about the virtues of Automated Cars": ["Mom: Roger, tell everyone about your automated cars meeting.", "Dad: It wasn't a meeting, it was closer to a seminar.", "Dad: At work, we accrue credits that can be put towards educational events. Our managers think that an educated workforce is a happy and productive workforce.", "Dad: So we are required to spend these credits every year on our choice of relevant education events.", "Girlfriend: That's cool. What kind of choices for educational events are there?", "Dad: As one example, employees can go to a local college or high school and present about their work at the company.", "Dad: Other options are to attend talks about various topics, such as aerospace engineering, materials science, manager relations, customer relations, etc.", "Dad: I decided to spend my credits on a five person panel from the various automotive manufacturers about the future of automated vehicles.", "Dad: Disappointingly, the panel never went in-depth about the technology side of automated cars.", "Dad: The panel just already affirmed what I already knew. Self-driving cars are coming.", "Grandpa: Why would you want a self-driving car anyways? Driving is fun!", "Grandpa: I remember driving my old station wagon across country to California. Now that was a trip to remember.", "Grandpa: The sun was beating down, and we didn't have air conditioning in the car, so you rolled down the window and enjoyed the breeze.", "Grandpa: Nowadays, you are spoiled with automatic windows, automatic car washers, automatic transmission.", "Grandpa: Why even call it a car? Sounds to me more like a train you ride.", "Dad: Yes Dad, which was the general gist of the whole thing. Some people like to drive their car.", "Dad: Though one panelist seemed confident that it will eventually take over.", "Dad: They quoted 48 minutes as the average amount of time a driver spends in their car per day.", "Dad: If most of that time is spent in traffic, or just getting somewhere, then people will adopt a car that can do the nitty gritty driving.", "Dad: Drivers can then spend their five leisure minutes on the beach boulevard cruising with manual control.", "Grandpa: Enjoy your fandangled self-driving cars, if they ever come.", "Grandpa: In the 1960s they used to say we'd have flying cars in the 2000s, but you don't see that now.", "Brother: Maybe in my generation. First the self-driving cars, then the flying ones.", "Cat: Meow (and then the world!)"], "Brother recounts a hockey game he saw recently, and his friend has to go to the hospital": ["Brother: Yo, I watched a hockey game recently. There were cheap group tickets, so a bunch of my friends jumped on it to watch the game.", "Girlfriend: Who was playing?", "Brother: Some minor league team, the 'Raging Tornados', I believe? It isn't important. The point is seeing two teams pummel each other over a little puck.", "Grandpa: Yes, exactly!", "Girlfriend: I suppose since we're glorifying the violence of the sport, were there any fights?", "Brother: Ah hell yeah! The gloves were thrown to the ice, and the two players starting man-hugging each other.", "Brother: The refs just let it go. There was no blood, but it was the intention that mattered.", "Brother: Sadly, it isn't like some video games where the winner of the fight gets to stay on the ice. The perpetrator in this case got the penalty.", "Brother: But anyways, what was cool was we were allowed to play some broomball on the ice before the game due to our group size.", "Brother: That was loads of fun. Until someone got injured.", "Mom: Heavens no!", "Brother: Well, it wasn't from the broomball.", "Brother: Later, when our group was walking around, waiting for the actual game to start, the two hockey teams were practicing and a puck flew into the crowd.", "Brother: It smacked one of my friends in the neck, and they had to go to the infirmary.", "Mom: But were they okay?", "Brother: Yeah, they were fine. They decided to go home however. Too much trauma. They would be flinching with every one-timer during the game.", "Mom: Aww, that's a shame. It wasn't Charles was it? Poor Charles...", "Brother: No, Mom, Charles is fine.", "Girlfriend: Close game?", "Brother: Hardly. 3-0", "Brother: The tornado mascot kept it interesting though, with his kazoo.", "Brother: 'Bzzzwoooooo'", "Brother: Ah, here's something. A Catholic girl's school came to sing the national anthem.", "Brother: You have to imagine these girls were about five to six years old. So it was mind-numbingly cute.", "Brother: The stadium was filled with 'awwws' when they approached the mics.", "Brother: Well anyways, these girls were out near the mechanical bull before the game started.", "Dad: The stadium has a mechanical bull?", "Brother: Yup, pay your five dollars and take it for a ride. The operators know their clientele.", "Brother: They let young kids 'tame the bull' while they throw the wrath of God down on the teenagers. Cause they know the teens want to flex their muscle.", "Brother: I watched one teen tumble backwards over his head and shoulders in one bout.", "Brother: The best part though was those little girls I mentioned earlier.", "Brother: They surrounded the bull-riding-rink, all dressed in their school outfits.", "Brother: 'Ride the bull. Ride the Bull!', They shouted in unison.", "Brother: Then when someone got on.", "Brother: 'Make them fall, make them fall!'", "Mom: Dawwww", "Brother: No Mom! Those little girls are evil!", "Brother: But, it was definitely a lot of fun to watch."], "Mom talks about her students and reading over summer vacation": ["Girlfriend: Well Mom, how are your students doing?", "Mom: Thank you for asking. They are doing well.", "Brother: Still teaching the third grade?", "Mom: Yessum", "Girlfriend: Soo, lay on the juicy stories.", "Mom: Mmmm, well, for the winter break coming up I'm planning on having them read 'The BFG'.", "Girlfriend: oooh, I liked that book.", "Brother: Mom, winter break reading is THE reason that students hate their teachers. Can't you let them enjoy their break in peace?", "Mom: But reading is fundamental. We can't let our students forget what they learned.", "Girlfriend: It isn't that bad, 'The BFG' is a fun and entertaining book.", "Brother: Granted, but forcing one to read kills their love of reading. It did for me.", "Brother: After I began reading for fun rather than the school forcing me to do it, I could really appreciate the work for what they are.", "Mom: Greg, you are right. But you have to remember that if we don't force kids to do a little reading, they may not do the reading at all.", "Mom: I sleep better knowing that my students have been given the opportunity discover works they like, whether or not a little encouragement was given.", "Brother: You are an inspiration to us all.", "Mom: That's very kind of you to say."], "Grandmother reveals her name": ["Grandpa: Lana, did I ever tell you that I am blessed to be married to you?", "Grandma: Well, you just know all the right things to say to make a woman feel good.", "Brother: Grandma, if you don't mind me asking, I was wondering if your name, 'Lana' had any special meaning in Russian.", "Brother: Like, I know some American names, like Mark, are biblical in nature.", "Grandma: Ahh, well yes. Very similar", "Grandma: Lana is short for Svetlana, which was my given name. I shortened it to 'Lana' because it was easier to pronounce in those parts.", "Brother: Sweatlana?", "Grandma: Close, but you need to put more 'V' into it.", "Grandma: Stalin's daughter was named Svetlana, and so many mothers named their daughters the same in honor.", "Grandma: It was be loosely translated to light, and holy. Sort of biblical as you mentioned.", "Brother: That's very interesting. Mom, Dad, was there any special reason for naming me Greg?", "Mom: Well.", "Dad: We looked at a lot baby naming books, and we were having trouble deciding.", "Mom: I had a good friend named Greg when I was growing up so I liked that name.", "Dad: It sounded good to me, and you ended up a boy, so it worked out.", "Brother: So, did the 'Greg' you knew Mom, do anything special or notable? Like, was he famous?", "Mom: Uhhh, well, we dated for a while, but it didn't work out.", "Brother: Whaat? I'm named after your former lover?! Did you know about this Dad?!", "Dad: Yes, but what's the big deal? I still like the name Greg. It's a good strong name.", "Brother: I don't think I'll be able to think about my name the same way ever again.", "Girlfriend: Hah ha brother. Sucks to be you. Hah ha!", "Girlfriend: But please Mom and Dad, don't tell ever me how I got my name.", "Mom: Ooh, but your name origin is quite special.", "Girlfriend: La la la, I'm not listening!"], "Grandparents sings a Patriotist song": ["Grandpa: Since dinner is taking a while, it seems like a good time for a song don't you think?", "Dad: Dad, please no...", "Grandpa: Ooooh, I saw Mussolini sitting on a log", "Grandpa: All puffed up like a great big frog", "Grandpa: Sneaked up close and stuck him with a wire", "Grandpa: And he just went poof like an old flat tire.", "Grandpa: took his hide and hung it on a tree,", "Grandpa: and he said 'hey don't do that to me' ", "Grandpa: so I took it on home to my mother in law", "Grandpa: She threw me outside with the Turkey in the Straw", "Grandma: Oooooh Adolf Hitler grabbed a tail, ", "Grandma: And he hung right on with tooth and nail, ", "Grandma: and he saw what he had and he began to swear, ", "Grandma: On the end of the tail was a Russian bear, ", "Grandpa: The old bear growled and started in to shake, ", "Grandma: Adolf knew he'd made a big mistake.", "Grandpa: He tried to hang on and he tried to let go ", "Grandma: Now they have a new dance called Hitler in the snow. ", "Grandpa: Wow, I didn't know you knew that one. ", "Grandma: Word travels fast on the front. Just don't let the officers hear you singing it or they'll whoop your ass faster than you can say vodka. ", "Grandpa: Advice to keep close at heart. "], "Dad Tells a bad Joke": ["Dad: Hey guys, what's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?", "Mom: Of course it is the loving family?", "Brother: I bet it is the pillowy mounds of mashed potatoes.", "Girlfriend: It is the turkey right?", "Dad: That's right, its the turKEY", "Dad: turKEY, get it?", "Girlfriend: What?", "Dad: The KEY to a great thanksgiving dinner is the turKEY.", "Girlfriend: Aww, come on Dad. That's terrible.", "Grandma: Is this a joke?", "Dad: Yes Mom,", "Grandma: Well, what do you mean 'key' .", "Dad: A 'key', something that is of vital importance.", "Grandma: hmmm, ok. I think I get it.", "Dad: Ok...."], "Mom Story": ["Mom: My favorite color is butter.", "Girlfriend: That's cool."], "Cat Story": ["Cat: Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow", "Dad: I think the cat's hungry!", "Cat: Meow", "Mom: Look at it, poor thing wants some turkey!", "Cat: Meow", "Cat: (Translation) If you turn the oven past 1000 degrees, something fun happens!"], "Cat Story II": ["Cat: Meow Meow Meow!", "Mom: What is it, sweetie?", "Cat: Meow Meow Meow!", "Cat: (Translation) Why aren't we cooking fish? I want fish for dinner.", "Mom: Yes sweetie, that's an oven with a turkey inside! We're going to have a nice dinner.", "Cat: Meow", "Cat: (Translation) It's like you don't love me anymore.", "Mom: It'll be done very soon, I promise! You can have a few bites.", "Cat: Meow Meow Meow Meow!", "Cat: (Translation) I don't want turkey, I want fish!"] };