@ -17,7 +17,7 @@ var terrible = [
@@ -17,7 +17,7 @@ var terrible = [
"Mom: No thanks, I'm actually a vegetarian.",
"Brother: Who taught you how to cook?",
"Brother: What an awful turkey.",
"Girlfriend: I'm leaving you honey. It's not you, its the turkey.",
"Spouse: I'm leaving you honey. It's not you, its the turkey.",
"Cat: Meow Meow ('Get out of my house!')"];
//Subpar Results
@ -33,8 +33,8 @@ var subPar = [
@@ -33,8 +33,8 @@ var subPar = [
"Mom: Honey, I think this turkey could have turned out better.",
"Brother: Uhh, What's for dessert?",
"Brother: We should get a pre-baked turkey next time",
"Girlfriend: Hey, the cat seems to like it.",
"Girlfriend: We'll have to go to some cooking classes together.",
"Spouse: Hey, the cat seems to like it.",
"Spouse: We'll have to go to some cooking classes together.",
"Cat: Hisssssss"];
//Average Results
@ -44,7 +44,7 @@ var average = [
@@ -44,7 +44,7 @@ var average = [
"Dad: Pretty decent turkey have you cooked here.",
"Mom: Tastes better than store cooked turkeys.",
"Brother: This is way better than I expected.",
"Girlfriend: Not bad.",
"Spouse: Not bad.",
"Cat: Meow meow ('I may not leave a present in your shoes today')"];
//Great Results
@ -57,7 +57,7 @@ var great = [
@@ -57,7 +57,7 @@ var great = [
"Mom: The second best turkey I have ever had!",
"Mom: You should teach me your secrets",
"Brother: Way to go, this turkey is fantastic.",
"Girlfriend: Oh, what a nice turkey.",
"Spouse: Oh, what a nice turkey.",
"Cat: Meow MEOW! ('I am pleased, human')"];
//Perfect Results
@ -68,8 +68,8 @@ var perfect = [
@@ -68,8 +68,8 @@ var perfect = [
"Mom: This turkey is delicious. Let's get you two wed immediately!",
"Mom: Never have I had a more scrumptious turkey!",
"Brother: All-praise the turkeymeister!",
"Girlfriend: Bite after bite of gourmet delight!",
"Girlfriend: We should get married. Tonight!",
"Spouse: Bite after bite of gourmet delight!",
"Spouse: We should get married. Tonight!",
"Cat: Puuuurrrrrrr"];
@ -250,65 +250,65 @@ var story = {
@@ -250,65 +250,65 @@ var story = {
"Grandma: No, not taking a taxi out to dinner. Forget it. Just forget it."],
"Girlfriend's Boba Keeps on a-flowing":
["Girlfriend: You know what boba is right Mom?",
["Spouse: You know what boba is right Mom?",
"Mom: What's Boba?",
"Girlfriend: Ok, I guess not.",
"Spouse: Ok, I guess not.",
"Grandma: What's booba?",
"Girlfriend: I take it you mean boba?",
"Spouse: I take it you mean boba?",
"Grandma: Yes, that thing.",
"Girlfriend: What most people talk about when they mean 'boba' are tea drinks with milk in them.",
"Girlfriend: The boba tea drinks are not hard to make, just make black tea, and then add any kind of milk you have, some sweetener, then chill with ice.",
"Girlfriend: [Player] and I made it at home one time, but that's another story. Anyways, the 'boba' itself are these little black balls that are made out of sweet potato.",
"Spouse: What most people talk about when they mean 'boba' are tea drinks with milk in them.",
"Spouse: The boba tea drinks are not hard to make, just make black tea, and then add any kind of milk you have, some sweetener, then chill with ice.",
"Spouse: [Player] and I made it at home one time, but that's another story. Anyways, the 'boba' itself are these little black balls that are made out of sweet potato.",
"Dad: Sweet Potatoes, like a yam?",
"Brother: Dad, you know that sweet potatoes and yams are not the same right?",
"Dad: What? They aren't?",
"Brother: No",
"Dad: Well, what's the difference?",
"Brother: I don't know, but the point is they are different.",
"Girlfriend: Boba is usually made from sweet potatoes, but it can also be made from other starchy materials, I suppose.",
"Spouse: Boba is usually made from sweet potatoes, but it can also be made from other starchy materials, I suppose.",
"Dad: What's it taste like? Kind of...potatoey?",
"Girlfriend: Not really, it is chewy, a bit like... when you take the first bite into some gum. Right before it gets soft.",
"Girlfriend: Though when places heat it up, it is really soft and moldable.",
"Spouse: Not really, it is chewy, a bit like... when you take the first bite into some gum. Right before it gets soft.",
"Spouse: Though when places heat it up, it is really soft and moldable.",
"Grandma: Hmm. I wouldn't mind trying this boba sometime.",
"Girlfriend: You definitely should since I know you like your morning tea.",
"Girlfriend: Now that you all know what boba is, I can tell you about this cool, and somewhat awkward event that happened.",
"Girlfriend: [Player] and I were driving down the freeway when we remembered that a new boba place was opening up on Teller St.",
"Girlfriend: As part of their opening promotion, they were offering one free boba drink per customer.",
"Girlfriend: Since I was thirsty, I suggested we drop by and see what's up.",
"Girlfriend: We parked and walk up to the building. There weren't too many people about, and a sign revealed why.",
"Girlfriend: The free boba promotion ended at 8PM, and it was already 10!",
"Spouse: You definitely should since I know you like your morning tea.",
"Spouse: Now that you all know what boba is, I can tell you about this cool, and somewhat awkward event that happened.",
"Spouse: [Player] and I were driving down the freeway when we remembered that a new boba place was opening up on Teller St.",
"Spouse: As part of their opening promotion, they were offering one free boba drink per customer.",
"Spouse: Since I was thirsty, I suggested we drop by and see what's up.",
"Spouse: We parked and walk up to the building. There weren't too many people about, and a sign revealed why.",
"Spouse: The free boba promotion ended at 8PM, and it was already 10!",
"Mom: Aww, that's too bad",
"Girlfriend: I decided to get a drink anyways.",
"Girlfriend: But when I ordered, the worker said 'Would you like to try one of our free drinks?', and motioned towards the sign",
"Girlfriend: 'Sure!', Then he asked [Player] what [GenderPronoun] wanted.",
"Girlfriend: So we both got a full-sized free drink!",
"Spouse: I decided to get a drink anyways.",
"Spouse: But when I ordered, the worker said 'Would you like to try one of our free drinks?', and motioned towards the sign",
"Spouse: 'Sure!', Then he asked [Player] what [GenderPronoun] wanted.",
"Spouse: So we both got a full-sized free drink!",
"Mom: What flavor did you get? I assume there are flavors of boba?",
"Girlfriend: Yes, there are. I ordered Strawberry. It tasted ok, but was really missing that strawberry flavor.",
"Girlfriend: The worker asked how they were, and well Mom, you raised me to be an honest individual, so it was lacking in flavor.",
"Girlfriend: So the worker says, 'Alright, let me make you another one'",
"Girlfriend: He makes me a completely new boba drink, while letting me keep the old one to drink. At this point I haven't even paid for anything yet",
"Spouse: Yes, there are. I ordered Strawberry. It tasted ok, but was really missing that strawberry flavor.",
"Spouse: The worker asked how they were, and well Mom, you raised me to be an honest individual, so it was lacking in flavor.",
"Spouse: So the worker says, 'Alright, let me make you another one'",
"Spouse: He makes me a completely new boba drink, while letting me keep the old one to drink. At this point I haven't even paid for anything yet",
"Dad: That's just good customer service. Since this place is new, he is trying to build up customer relations.",
"Girlfriend: True, but I feel like it got a little out of hand. The next drink also lacked the strawberry flavor. The worker said it is probably because of the syrup.",
"Girlfriend: He then proceeded to make another drink, still free, using fresh strawberries in lieu of the syrup flavoring.",
"Girlfriend: Now the syrup drinks were probably really cheap to make, but making drinks with real fruit costs considerably more.",
"Girlfriend: By the end of our time at the place, the two of us had six drinks in hand without a cent spent.",
"Girlfriend: The worker just kept offering us samples and I felt really guilty about being so honest.",
"Girlfriend: I decided to order the drink I was originally going to get, even though I had consumed 2 whole boba drinks already. Sugar overload!",
"Spouse: True, but I feel like it got a little out of hand. The next drink also lacked the strawberry flavor. The worker said it is probably because of the syrup.",
"Spouse: He then proceeded to make another drink, still free, using fresh strawberries in lieu of the syrup flavoring.",
"Spouse: Now the syrup drinks were probably really cheap to make, but making drinks with real fruit costs considerably more.",
"Spouse: By the end of our time at the place, the two of us had six drinks in hand without a cent spent.",
"Spouse: The worker just kept offering us samples and I felt really guilty about being so honest.",
"Spouse: I decided to order the drink I was originally going to get, even though I had consumed 2 whole boba drinks already. Sugar overload!",
"Brother: I hope you left him a fat tip for his troubles.",
"Girlfriend: Yes, I tipped, [Player] made sure of that.",
"Girlfriend: With all the caffeine and sugar, I couldn't sleep all night. My heart was in trepidation even through the next morning.",
"Girlfriend: I probably wouldn't do that again.",
"Spouse: Yes, I tipped, [Player] made sure of that.",
"Spouse: With all the caffeine and sugar, I couldn't sleep all night. My heart was in trepidation even through the next morning.",
"Spouse: I probably wouldn't do that again.",
"Grandma: This sounds like the place I should try my first boba.",
"Girlfriend: I don't think I could boba for at least a month I'm so burnt out.",
"Spouse: I don't think I could boba for at least a month I'm so burnt out.",
"Brother: It is settled, right after this meal we're all going out for boba.",
"Girlfriend: Hah, no.",
"Spouse: Hah, no.",
"Brother: No, seriously.",
"Girlfriend: And seriously. No"],
"Spouse: And seriously. No"],
"Grandmother reveals the virtues of the bread line":
["Brother: The Turkey is taking a while to cook. [Player] isn't too good at cooking is [GenderPronoun]?",
"Girlfriend: How dare you talk about [Player] like that. [Player] is a great cook. You'll see!",
"Spouse: How dare you talk about [Player] like that. [Player] is a great cook. You'll see!",
"Grandma: You guys have it lucky. Where I grew up we had bread lines.",
"Grandma: My family would stand in a bread line for over six hours with the POSSIBILITY of receiving a loaf of bread.",
"Grandma: I remember one particular occasion where my mom told me to take my baby sister with me and go stand in the bread line.",
@ -327,7 +327,7 @@ var story = {
@@ -327,7 +327,7 @@ var story = {
"Dad: It wasn't a meeting, it was closer to a seminar.",
"Dad: At work, we accrue credits that can be put towards educational events. Our managers think that an educated workforce is a happy and productive workforce.",
"Dad: So we are required to spend these credits every year on our choice of relevant education events.",
"Girlfriend: That's cool. What kind of choices for educational events are there?",
"Spouse: That's cool. What kind of choices for educational events are there?",
"Dad: As one example, employees can go to a local college or high school and present about their work at the company.",
"Dad: Other options are to attend talks about various topics, such as aerospace engineering, materials science, manager relations, customer relations, etc.",
"Dad: I decided to spend my credits on a five person panel from the various automotive manufacturers about the future of automated vehicles.",
@ -350,10 +350,10 @@ var story = {
@@ -350,10 +350,10 @@ var story = {
"Brother recounts a hockey game he saw recently, and his friend has to go to the hospital":
["Brother: Yo, I watched a hockey game recently. There were cheap group tickets, so a bunch of my friends jumped on it to watch the game.",
"Girlfriend: Who was playing?",
"Spouse: Who was playing?",
"Brother: Some minor league team, the 'Raging Tornados', I believe? It isn't important. The point is seeing two teams pummel each other over a little puck.",
"Grandpa: Yes, exactly!",
"Girlfriend: I suppose since we're glorifying the violence of the sport, were there any fights?",
"Spouse: I suppose since we're glorifying the violence of the sport, were there any fights?",
"Brother: Ah hell yeah! The gloves were thrown to the ice, and the two players starting man-hugging each other.",
"Brother: The refs just let it go. There was no blood, but it was the intention that mattered.",
"Brother: Sadly, it isn't like some video games where the winner of the fight gets to stay on the ice. The perpetrator in this case got the penalty.",
@ -367,7 +367,7 @@ var story = {
@@ -367,7 +367,7 @@ var story = {
"Brother: Yeah, they were fine. They decided to go home however. Too much trauma. They would be flinching with every one-timer during the game.",
"Mom: Aww, that's a shame. It wasn't Charles was it? Poor Charles...",
"Brother: No, Mom, Charles is fine.",
"Girlfriend: Close game?",
"Spouse: Close game?",
"Brother: Hardly. 3-0",
"Brother: The tornado mascot kept it interesting though, with his kazoo.",
"Brother: 'Bzzzwoooooo'",
@ -389,16 +389,16 @@ var story = {
@@ -389,16 +389,16 @@ var story = {
"Brother: But, it was definitely a lot of fun to watch."],
"Mom talks about her students and reading over summer vacation":
["Girlfriend: Well Mom, how are your students doing?",
["Spouse: Well Mom, how are your students doing?",
"Mom: Thank you for asking. They are doing well.",
"Brother: Still teaching the third grade?",
"Mom: Yessum",
"Girlfriend: Soo, lay on the juicy stories.",
"Spouse: Soo, lay on the juicy stories.",
"Mom: Mmmm, well, for the winter break coming up I'm planning on having them read 'The BFG'.",
"Girlfriend: oooh, I liked that book.",
"Spouse: oooh, I liked that book.",
"Brother: Mom, winter break reading is THE reason that students hate their teachers. Can't you let them enjoy their break in peace?",
"Mom: But reading is fundamental. We can't let our students forget what they learned.",
"Girlfriend: It isn't that bad, 'The BFG' is a fun and entertaining book.",
"Spouse: It isn't that bad, 'The BFG' is a fun and entertaining book.",
"Brother: Granted, but forcing one to read kills their love of reading. It did for me.",
"Brother: After I began reading for fun rather than the school forcing me to do it, I could really appreciate the work for what they are.",
"Mom: Greg, you are right. But you have to remember that if we don't force kids to do a little reading, they may not do the reading at all.",
@ -427,10 +427,10 @@ var story = {
@@ -427,10 +427,10 @@ var story = {
"Brother: Whaat? I'm named after your former lover?! Did you know about this Dad?!",
"Dad: Yes, but what's the big deal? I still like the name Greg. It's a good strong name.",
"Brother: I don't think I'll be able to think about my name the same way ever again.",
"Girlfriend: Hah ha brother. Sucks to be you. Hah ha!",
"Girlfriend: But please Mom and Dad, don't tell ever me how I got my name.",
"Spouse: Hah ha brother. Sucks to be you. Hah ha!",
"Spouse: But please Mom and Dad, don't tell ever me how I got my name.",
"Mom: Ooh, but your name origin is quite special.",
"Girlfriend: La la la, I'm not listening!"],
"Spouse: La la la, I'm not listening!"],
"Grandparents sings a Patriotist song":
["Grandpa: Since dinner is taking a while, it seems like a good time for a song don't you think?",
@ -459,12 +459,12 @@ var story = {
@@ -459,12 +459,12 @@ var story = {
["Dad: Hey guys, what's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?",
"Mom: Of course it is the loving family?",
"Brother: I bet it is the pillowy mounds of mashed potatoes.",
"Girlfriend: It is the turkey right?",
"Spouse: It is the turkey right?",
"Dad: That's right, its the turKEY",
"Dad: turKEY, get it?",
"Girlfriend: What?",
"Spouse: What?",
"Dad: The KEY to a great thanksgiving dinner is the turKEY.",
"Girlfriend: Aww, come on Dad. That's terrible.",
"Spouse: Aww, come on Dad. That's terrible.",
"Grandma: Is this a joke?",
"Dad: Yes Mom,",
"Grandma: Well, what do you mean 'key' .",
@ -474,7 +474,7 @@ var story = {
@@ -474,7 +474,7 @@ var story = {
"Mom Butter Story":
["Mom: My favorite color is butter.",
"Girlfriend: That's cool."],
"Spouse: That's cool."],
"Cat Story":
["Cat: Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow",
@ -509,7 +509,7 @@ var story = {
@@ -509,7 +509,7 @@ var story = {
"Mom: But then the administration told me that all students were required to have a bathroom pass. Too many students were skipping class they feared.",
"Mom: I never lost a student and all my students knew not to abuse their privileges, but I did as I was told.",
"Mom: I made sure students signed themselves out, wrote their name, signed it, then took the bathroom pass.",
"Girlfriend: That seems very efficient. But are the third graders mature enough to get themselves to the bathroom and not goof off?",
"Spouse: That seems very efficient. But are the third graders mature enough to get themselves to the bathroom and not goof off?",
"Mom: Well, every student has their 20 minutes. I don't want to parent them. That's not my job. My job is to teach lessons.",
"Mom: It seemed to work well. None of my students abused the system.",
"Mom: But it seemed the administration didn't appreciate the system. They changed the rules once again.",
@ -553,32 +553,32 @@ var story = {
@@ -553,32 +553,32 @@ var story = {
"Grandpa: Field medics couldn't get all the pieces out, and we were at least two days away from a decent hospital.",
"Grandpa: The ear got infected and Jimmy lost his hearing soon after.",
"Grandpa: 'Bug Brain' we used to call him. Great guy.",
"Girlfriend: I'm sorry to hear that.",
"Spouse: I'm sorry to hear that.",
"Grandpa: Can't undo the past. Those dang bugs were everywhere though.",
"Mom: Gross, Gross, Gross. ",
"Grandpa: It isn't that bad. Be grateful I didn't tell you the story where we ate them. Not bad. A little crunchy. Not as good as turkey though.",
"Mom: !!!"],
"Story about Girlfriend's teacher that makes buzzer noises when you got something wrong":
["Girlfriend: Greg, here's something that might tinkle your fancy.",
"Girlfriend: I saw my old professor from a couple years back, Professor Ronfleur. The Humanities teacher. Do you remember him?",
"Story about Spouse's teacher that makes buzzer noises when you got something wrong":
["Spouse: Greg, here's something that might tinkle your fancy.",
"Spouse: I saw my old professor from a couple years back, Professor Ronfleur. The Humanities teacher. Do you remember him?",
"Brother: The guy who always wore the purple bow tie? Who could forget him? Did he buzz you?",
"Girlfriend: Ha-ha, no, but that's why I brought it up. That buzz!",
"Spouse: Ha-ha, no, but that's why I brought it up. That buzz!",
"Mom: What buzz?",
"Girlfriend: I guess we never told you Mom. Remember when we took that humanities class at the local community college during the summer?",
"Girlfriend: We were trying to get the lower division English requirements out the way so could take classes at college that were actually worth our time.",
"Girlfriend: This Professor Ronfleur used to make a buzzing sound whenever anybody got something wrong.",
"Girlfriend: 'In what way does Aristotle disagree with Plato's Allegory of the Cave?' and then...",
"Girlfriend: BRRZZZZZZZT!",
"Girlfriend: He would make this super nasally buzzing noise.",
"Spouse: I guess we never told you Mom. Remember when we took that humanities class at the local community college during the summer?",
"Spouse: We were trying to get the lower division English requirements out the way so could take classes at college that were actually worth our time.",
"Spouse: This Professor Ronfleur used to make a buzzing sound whenever anybody got something wrong.",
"Spouse: 'In what way does Aristotle disagree with Plato's Allegory of the Cave?' and then...",
"Spouse: BRRZZZZZZZT!",
"Spouse: He would make this super nasally buzzing noise.",
"Brother: Seriously! Whenever I see the guy, I can just imagine pressing his bow tie and a buzzing noise coming out.",
"Girlfriend: And he did it ALL. THE. TIME.",
"Spouse: And he did it ALL. THE. TIME.",
"Brother: Yeah! Did he say anything to you when he saw you?",
"Girlfriend: I said hello and introduced myself, but he didn't know me. Just gave me the glazed ham eye look.",
"Spouse: I said hello and introduced myself, but he didn't know me. Just gave me the glazed ham eye look.",
"Brother: Glazed ham?",
"Girlfriend: For Thanksgiving.",
"Spouse: For Thanksgiving.",
"Brother: He gave you the glazed turkey look.",
"Girlfriend: Exactly."],
"Spouse: Exactly."],
"Brother's Fiancee is on Business Trip":
["Mom: Greg, where's your fiancee? Why didn't you invite her over for Thanksgiving dinner?",
@ -592,7 +592,7 @@ var story = {
@@ -592,7 +592,7 @@ var story = {
"Brother: uh, well yeah, sure Mom. You can come and visit.",
"Grandpa: What!? I want to come and see your new place too.",
"Brother: Sure...yeah ok.",
"Girlfriend: You aren't going to invite me?",
"Spouse: You aren't going to invite me?",
"Brother: Yes, definitely. Everyone can come and visit. Just... I don't want to stress out my fiancee when she comes home.",
"Brother: She likes to relax at home.",
"Mom: Don't worry honey, we won't stress her out. I'll make her my delicious breakfast omelet.",
Robert Chen
11 years ago