"CannotBuyTurkey":["Me: I barely have time for ONE turkey, let alone TWO!"],
"CannotBuyTurkey":["Me: I barely have time for ONE turkey, let alone TWO!"],
"NoMoney":["Me: I can't afford this!"],
"NoMoney":["Me: I can't afford this!"],
"BuyTurkeyFirst":["Me: I should buy a turkey first!"],
"BuyTurkeyFirst":["Me: I should buy a turkey first!"],
"EmptyOven":["Me: Ah, the oven is already preheated..."],
"EmptyOven":["Me: I'll start cooking once I get a turkey."],
"OpenDoor":["Me: I should probably try opening the oven door to measure the turkey's temperature"]
"OpenDoor":["Me: I should probably try opening the oven door to measure the turkey's temperature"]
}
}
@ -17,8 +17,8 @@ var terrible = [
"Mom: No thanks, I'm actually a vegetarian.",
"Mom: No thanks, I'm actually a vegetarian.",
"Brother: Who taught you how to cook?",
"Brother: Who taught you how to cook?",
"Brother: What an awful turkey.",
"Brother: What an awful turkey.",
"Girlfriend: I'm leaving you honey. It's not you, its the turkey.",
"Girlfriend: I'm leaving you honey. It's not you, it's the turkey.",
"Cat: Meow Meow ('Get out of my house!')"];
"Cat: Meow Meow (Get out of my house!)"];
//Subpar Results
//Subpar Results
varsubPar=[
varsubPar=[
@ -32,7 +32,7 @@ var subPar = [
"Mom: You are welcome here no matter how well you cook.",
"Mom: You are welcome here no matter how well you cook.",
"Mom: Honey, I think this turkey could have turned out better.",
"Mom: Honey, I think this turkey could have turned out better.",
"Brother: Uhh, What's for dessert?",
"Brother: Uhh, What's for dessert?",
"Brother: We should get a pre-baked turkey next time",
"Brother: We should get a pre-baked turkey next time.",
"Girlfriend: Hey, the cat seems to like it.",
"Girlfriend: Hey, the cat seems to like it.",
"Girlfriend: We'll have to go to some cooking classes together.",
"Girlfriend: We'll have to go to some cooking classes together.",
"Cat: Hisssssss"];
"Cat: Hisssssss"];
@ -45,7 +45,7 @@ var average = [
"Mom: Tastes better than store cooked turkeys.",
"Mom: Tastes better than store cooked turkeys.",
"Brother: This is way better than I expected.",
"Brother: This is way better than I expected.",
"Girlfriend: Not bad.",
"Girlfriend: Not bad.",
"Cat: Meow meow ('I may not leave a present in your shoes today')"];
"Cat: Meow meow (I may not leave a present in your shoes today)"];
//Great Results
//Great Results
vargreat=[
vargreat=[
@ -55,10 +55,10 @@ var great = [
"Grandma: Most enjoyable dinner. Now, who wants baked apples?",
"Grandma: Most enjoyable dinner. Now, who wants baked apples?",
"Dad: Good and meaty, mmm-mmm!",
"Dad: Good and meaty, mmm-mmm!",
"Mom: The second best turkey I have ever had!",
"Mom: The second best turkey I have ever had!",
"Mom: You should teach me your secrets",
"Mom: You should teach me your secrets.",
"Brother: Way to go, this turkey is fantastic.",
"Brother: Way to go, this turkey is fantastic.",
"Girlfriend: Oh, what a nice turkey.",
"Girlfriend: Oh, what a nice turkey.",
"Cat: Meow MEOW! ('I am pleased, human')"];
"Cat: Meow MEOW! (I am pleased, human)"];
//Perfect Results
//Perfect Results
varperfect=[
varperfect=[
@ -219,7 +219,7 @@ var story = {
"Mom: Did you stay the whole time? I could not see myself walking out. I would feel too embarrassed about the whole audience staring at me.",
"Mom: Did you stay the whole time? I could not see myself walking out. I would feel too embarrassed about the whole audience staring at me.",
"Spouse: It isn't that hard, you just treat it like you are headed to the bathroom. Except you never come back.",
"Spouse: It isn't that hard, you just treat it like you are headed to the bathroom. Except you never come back.",
"Spouse: But yes, we did leave early, so we'll have to check the rest of the movie on DVD, or see it in theatres when it officially releases.",
"Spouse: But yes, we did leave early, so we'll have to check the rest of the movie on DVD, or see it in theatres when it officially releases.",
"Mom: Good thing the staff didn't send a search party for you. Maybe you fell into the toilet",
"Mom: Good thing the staff didn't send a search party for you. Maybe you fell into the toilet.",
"Spouse: Haha",
"Spouse: Haha",
"Dad: Say, what was the title of the movie?",
"Dad: Say, what was the title of the movie?",
"Spouse: 'Randy Staples Shares the Pain.' We saw all the build up, but missed the payoff.",
"Spouse: 'Randy Staples Shares the Pain.' We saw all the build up, but missed the payoff.",
@ -279,14 +279,14 @@ var story = {
"Girlfriend: The free boba promotion ended at 8PM, and it was already 10!",
"Girlfriend: The free boba promotion ended at 8PM, and it was already 10!",
"Mom: Aww, that's too bad",
"Mom: Aww, that's too bad",
"Girlfriend: I decided to get a drink anyways.",
"Girlfriend: I decided to get a drink anyways.",
"Girlfriend: But when I ordered, the worker said 'Would you like to try one of our free drinks?', and motioned towards the sign",
"Girlfriend: But when I ordered, the worker said 'Would you like to try one of our free drinks?', and motioned towards the sign.",
"Girlfriend: 'Sure!', Then he asked [Player] what [GenderPronoun] wanted.",
"Girlfriend: 'Sure!', Then he asked [Player] what [GenderPronoun] wanted.",
"Girlfriend: So we both got a full-sized free drink!",
"Girlfriend: So we both got a full-sized free drink!",
"Mom: What flavor did you get? I assume there are flavors of boba?",
"Mom: What flavor did you get? I assume there are flavors of boba?",
"Girlfriend: Yes, there are. I ordered Strawberry. It tasted ok, but was really missing that strawberry flavor.",
"Girlfriend: Yes, there are. I ordered Strawberry. It tasted ok, but was really missing that strawberry flavor.",
"Girlfriend: The worker asked how they were, and well Mom, you raised me to be an honest individual, so it was lacking in flavor.",
"Girlfriend: The worker asked how they were, and well Mom, you raised me to be an honest individual, so it was lacking in flavor.",
"Girlfriend: So the worker says, 'Alright, let me make you another one'",
"Girlfriend: So the worker says, 'Alright, let me make you another one'",
"Girlfriend: He makes me a completely new boba drink, while letting me keep the old one to drink. At this point I haven't even paid for anything yet",
"Girlfriend: He makes me a completely new boba drink, while letting me keep the old one to drink. At this point I haven't even paid for anything yet.",
"Dad: That's just good customer service. Since this place is new, he is trying to build up customer relations.",
"Dad: That's just good customer service. Since this place is new, he is trying to build up customer relations.",
"Girlfriend: True, but I feel like it got a little out of hand. The next drink also lacked the strawberry flavor. The worker said it is probably because of the syrup.",
"Girlfriend: True, but I feel like it got a little out of hand. The next drink also lacked the strawberry flavor. The worker said it is probably because of the syrup.",
"Girlfriend: He then proceeded to make another drink, still free, using fresh strawberries in lieu of the syrup flavoring.",
"Girlfriend: He then proceeded to make another drink, still free, using fresh strawberries in lieu of the syrup flavoring.",
@ -346,7 +346,7 @@ var story = {
"Grandpa: Enjoy your fandangled self-driving cars, if they ever come.",
"Grandpa: Enjoy your fandangled self-driving cars, if they ever come.",
"Grandpa: In the 1960s they used to say we'd have flying cars in the 2000s, but you don't see that now.",
"Grandpa: In the 1960s they used to say we'd have flying cars in the 2000s, but you don't see that now.",
"Brother: Maybe in my generation. First the self-driving cars, then the flying ones.",
"Brother: Maybe in my generation. First the self-driving cars, then the flying ones.",
"Cat: Meow (and then the world!)"],
"Cat: Meow (And then the world!)"],
"Brother recounts a hockey game he saw recently, and his friend has to go to the hospital":
"Brother recounts a hockey game he saw recently, and his friend has to go to the hospital":
["Brother: Yo, I watched a hockey game recently. There were cheap group tickets, so a bunch of my friends jumped on it to watch the game.",
["Brother: Yo, I watched a hockey game recently. There were cheap group tickets, so a bunch of my friends jumped on it to watch the game.",
@ -439,13 +439,13 @@ var story = {
"Grandpa: All puffed up like a great big frog",
"Grandpa: All puffed up like a great big frog",
"Grandpa: Sneaked up close and stuck him with a wire",
"Grandpa: Sneaked up close and stuck him with a wire",
"Grandpa: And he just went poof like an old flat tire.",
"Grandpa: And he just went poof like an old flat tire.",
"Grandpa: took his hide and hung it on a tree,",
"Grandpa: Took his hide and hung it on a tree,",
"Grandpa: and he said 'hey don't do that to me' ",
"Grandpa: And he said 'hey don't do that to me' ",
"Grandpa: so I took it on home to my mother in law",
"Grandpa: So I took it on home to my mother in law",
"Grandpa: She threw me outside with the Turkey in the Straw",
"Grandpa: She threw me outside with the Turkey in the Straw",
"Grandma: Oooooh Adolf Hitler grabbed a tail, ",
"Grandma: Oooooh Adolf Hitler grabbed a tail, ",
"Grandma: And he hung right on with tooth and nail, ",
"Grandma: And he hung right on with tooth and nail, ",
"Grandma: and he saw what he had and he began to swear, ",
"Grandma: And he saw what he had and he began to swear, ",
"Grandma: On the end of the tail was a Russian bear, ",
"Grandma: On the end of the tail was a Russian bear, ",
"Grandpa: The old bear growled and started in to shake, ",
"Grandpa: The old bear growled and started in to shake, ",
"Grandma: Adolf knew he'd made a big mistake.",
"Grandma: Adolf knew he'd made a big mistake.",
@ -482,19 +482,19 @@ var story = {
"Cat: Meow",
"Cat: Meow",
"Mom: Look at it, poor thing wants some turkey!",
"Mom: Look at it, poor thing wants some turkey!",
"Cat: Meow",
"Cat: Meow",
"Cat: (Translation) If you turn the oven past 1000 degrees, something fun happens!"],
"Cat: (If you turn the oven past 1000 degrees, something fun happens!)"],
"Cat Story II":
"Cat Story II":
["Cat: Meow Meow Meow!",
["Cat: Meow Meow Meow!",
"Mom: What is it, sweetie?",
"Mom: What is it, sweetie?",
"Cat: Meow Meow Meow!",
"Cat: Meow Meow Meow!",
"Cat: (Translation) Why aren't we cooking fish? I want fish for dinner.",
"Cat: (Why aren't we cooking fish? I want fish for dinner.)",
"Mom: Yes sweetie, that's an oven with a turkey inside! We're going to have a nice dinner.",
"Mom: Yes sweetie, that's an oven with a turkey inside! We're going to have a nice dinner.",
"Cat: Meow",
"Cat: Meow",
"Cat: (Translation) It's like you don't love me anymore.",
"Cat: (It's like you don't love me anymore.)",
"Mom: It'll be done very soon, I promise! You can have a few bites.",
"Mom: It'll be done very soon, I promise! You can have a few bites.",
"Cat: Meow Meow Meow Meow!",
"Cat: Meow Meow Meow Meow!",
"Cat: (Translation) I don't want turkey, I want fish!"],
"Cat: (I don't want turkey, I want fish!)"],
"Mom Talks About Her Bathroom Policy and her Students":
"Mom Talks About Her Bathroom Policy and her Students":
@ -604,10 +604,10 @@ var story = {
"Turkey: Male turkeys like their snood intact to attract a mate, and for dominance. Be kind to your turkey. Do not lose the snood."],
"Turkey: Male turkeys like their snood intact to attract a mate, and for dominance. Be kind to your turkey. Do not lose the snood."],
"Turkey Fact - Cat Puns":
"Turkey Fact - Cat Puns":
["Turkey: Gobble Gobble. I suppose it is too late to ask you not to eat me. But is it too late to ask for you to kick that cat of yours?",
["Turkey: Gobble Gobble. I suppose it is too late to ask you not to eat me. But is it too late to ask for you to kick that cat?",
"Cat: Hey Turkey, it has been a long time. I see you're dead.",
"Cat: Hey Turkey, it has been a long time. I see you're dead.",
"Turkey: Kasey, how dare you speak to me. First, you steal my plans for world domination and now you gloat at my passing. For shame.",
"Turkey: Kasey, how dare you speak to me. First, you steal my plans for world domination and now you gloat at my passing. For shame.",
"Cat: It isn't my fault you taste so delicious. I'm going to delight in eating your flesh. Maybe if I beg enough they may give me your head on a platter",
"Cat: It isn't my fault you taste so delicious. I'm going to delight in eating your flesh. Maybe if I beg enough they may give me your head on a platter.",
"Turkey: Oooh, don't get me fired up.",
"Turkey: Oooh, don't get me fired up.",
"Cat: Meow meow meow! The oven is doing that quite nicely.",
"Cat: Meow meow meow! The oven is doing that quite nicely.",
"Turkey: Ga-Gobble!",
"Turkey: Ga-Gobble!",
@ -656,8 +656,8 @@ var story = {
"Turkey: That's because a group of turkeys is called a gang.",
"Turkey: That's because a group of turkeys is called a gang.",
"Turkey: A turkey group may also be called a rafter.",
"Turkey: A turkey group may also be called a rafter.",